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Horsehead Nebula

At the Center of Universe, is the perpetually open Intergalactic Discovery Center. Should you travel there, you will find a curled up yellowing note taped to the giant glass doors that explains that the perpetually open IDC is temporarily closed due to a budget shortfall. The observation deck and coin operated binoculars remain open around the outside of the center. As does the souvenir shoppe in the southeast corner of the post-modern architectural complex. In a “donut hole” in the center of the IDC concourse is the actual center of the universe, admittances is currently $87 adult, assuming the IDC were in fact open! But that doesn’t seem to stop the German tourist from paying anyhow? The windows that ring the center, are dark smoked glass, that’s not quite bright enough to see through. But everyone tries to anyhow, leaving little German nose & finger prints behind.

Robotic maintenance workers scurry pasted quickly, actually praying to God that you will not ask them any questions, once they have absolutely no way to respond, except to vacuum you off, and give you a gentle pat on the butt. Which only seems to make some tourists angry, to the puzzlement of the maintenance robots.

The only open public restrooms are in the souvenir shoppe. It has one attendant, a zombie teenage girl, who again would rather die, than be even a little bit helpful. (I just assume she zombie, by the look.) She is more interested cola, black nail polish, and spider webs, than you. Unless your trying to sneak in and out, for just a free pee; “At least buy a dime postcard, freeUNloader- geesh!” She will sarcastically snarl into the intercom system. Other than that, she is not even slightest bit useful to anyone, should you be foolish enough to ask her a question or out to dinner. But it might surprise you to find out she’s been Employee of the Month for 4 months strait, for her remarkable ability to continue to bring in revenue in spite of the intergalactic slowdown in the economy. It also might be the fact that she has the only “FREE” public restroom in 44 light-years of space, around the Center of the Universe, too. But the Government is quite pleased at her high performance record, low demands, and low tourist complaint level of only 99.2% (mostly in French, so who cares?).

In front of the attendant is a rack of chewing gums, all being Spearmint flavor. That she prefers to hide behind them, to fend off any questions you might have while paying. Should you accidentally make eye contact, you will greeted with a huge warning sigh, and an exasperated eye roll, and the plea; “Oh Christ, now what?” The remarkable thing about the gums is not that they are all one flavor, or that they all cost $1, well 99 cents. But they will cure any disease in the known universe. Yet, only the Aspirin Spearmint Flavored Gum is sold out? I guess, her pressing problem is that the most frequently asked question is; “Does this come in Cherry?”

Overall, as a tourist attraction, I give it a B+. Because it isn’t the slightest bit educational, barely functional, but has lots of curiosity factor and possibilities, and (most importantly) it has a clean working restroom.

I am also happy to report that Cure for Cancer Gum is mislabeled in that it is Mango flavored. However, it will still make you vomit, and loose all your hair, and will leave you with that horrible lingering aftertaste for weeks afterwards. But really is that any worse than the side effects of Diet Dr. Popper, should you ever have the misfortune of accentually drinking one of those?

I also got my mustache vacuumed, a pat on the butt, and a ping; Good luck- that was very nice and completely unexpected response to “Hi!”. While it was such a friendly gesture, I sure hope he hadn’t just finished cleaning a public restroom?

Then I had slight glimpse at the Horsehead Nebula before my coin ran out. It cost me 3 more coins, before I figured out that it always gives you a half second glimpse of the Nebula before it runs out.

I got a real nice stretch of the legs there, which is what you need after a long and disappointing trip to the Center of the Universe. Really, all that science and physics really would have wrecked it, and made it more like work, anyhow. So what else could you want from a Intergalactic Tourist Destination, other than some congeniality and getting everyone to use a good deodorant soap? Yeah right, when pigs fly- I hear ya!

Everybody loves PIZZA!
Ok smart aleck, I want the name and address of the pizza hater? Uh huh, I thought so… I’ll be keeping an eye on you…

Now, it’s no secret that I am the large size that I am today, because my love for home made “Artisan” breads, and in particular home made PIZZA! So, I bought a food scale, so I could do the numbers on my favorite home made pie, to get a real estimation of the caloric intake per slice.

Sit down (softly), because the total was a shocking 368 calories per slice. Yet by removing one ingredient, that could be reduced to 275 calories per slice. And I’m sure a huge amount of fat (which was uncalculated). Want to guess what it is that has almost half the calories in your common pizza? It’s the pepperoni! 93 calories per slice, and almost all the fat! Right behind that is Italian Sausage, which comes in at 49 calories per slice, if you use as much as I do (which is about double what come from most Pizza Palaces and Pizzerias). So without the MEAT(?), my pizza is now 226 calories per slice. On a 1200 calorie diet that’s; 3, 4, or 5 slices of pizza you could eat per day, if you eat nothing else. But these are THICK slices of pizza, you could remove another 89 calories per slice, by cutting dough in half and making THIN crust pizza. Mind you, this is still a Cheese, Olive, Mushroom, Onion, Bell Pepper, large Pizza, which is quite a load of toppings.

Ok dieters, I hear you; Home made, thin crust, cheese pizza, please! Ok, that’s 125 Calories per slice. Who says Pizza not healthy? Clearly, you can live on it! And you can get fat like me on it, if you take it to the excess that I do! Moderation, you say? Moderation is for skinny people!

Krista is a blond girl of maybe 20 years old, who seems trapped in another century all together. She is slender, average built for the lean girl type, lacking any alluring womanly form, once she’s always mummy rapped in clothes that belong on a Mennonite peasant. Only her slender hands, and soft featured face pop out of cloth that seem an inch thick, and made to protect an armadillo from attack. Her dress, extends from her neck strait down to below her knee, where it overlaps with thick socks, that flow down into her shoes, from who knows where, maybe her neck as well? Her blond hair is pulled back so tight, it seems waxy and oily, there are times I just want to scrub her down, and not for sexual reasons! The only hint of personality in all her beige and white clothing, might be found in her socks, but only on the most special occasions. Meanwhile, Krista sparkles with a bright personality and intelligence, that seems to still have a hint of tomboyishness to it, but she is clearly all girl now. And for that reason, in spite of her smile, and her charming character, she seems a tragic person that needs liberating and educating (at a top university). Which you know deep down inside, is just not possible. Krista will always be a little quaker girl, living far too structured a life. More servant than talent, just because she’s female.

On the other hand, look at the rest of us 21 century humans, actually living in chaos. Most of dress like 8 year olds, in t-shirts that say something repugnant, and ugly baggy shorts or blue jeans, and sneakers that seem 8 times too big for our bodies. We are repulsively fat, aging quicker than avocado in a basket of bananas. We look like slobs because our lives are completely undisciplined, and selfish. We drink wine coolers and whatever todays hot training wheels in a bottle might be, all weekend long, while ordering delivery pizza, like that’s living it up? And we’d sooner be shot in the head, than ever write a letter to someone, when cellphones are just so convenient, and easy to send pictures to Facebook and Twitter. And we pride ourselves as being as dumb as a rock, but abundantly full of common sense by the pure love of God.

I’m no fashion plate, or intellectual. Just another middle age escapee by social promotion, hot head, that seems more and more violent and angry as his standard of living continues in free-fall all the time, and his abilities decline. Who has to continuously to remind himself, that it is his duty to himself, and everyone around him, to everyday, find a way to improve himself and his world, even in the simplest little ways. It is better to laugh, than turn negative and bitter. It is better to be the uncommon man. STOP, smile and laugh, at the absurdity of it all, it’s worth it! It is better to be slow to temper, in and at everything, once it’s not going to change anything for the better- really (trust me)!

There is no doubt in my mind, that I would love to see young Krista in a spaghetti strapped red dress and pumps, showing some bare shoulder and leg, with her hair WASHED and down and flowing, really throwing her hips into her strut, going off to meet some nice young man on date, like a 20 year old should. But it will never happen, and who am I to judge, really? I hope that young couple owns some bolt cutters and a crowbar, or she’ll never get felt up.

There is no woman, in two centuries, that I’ve seen less of than Krista, with the only exception being women in burkas! I wonder how she would react that cable TV commercial for that dickie like thing to cover womens boobs on low cut tops? It’s one my personal favorites that even makes me blush a little!

Ironically, Krista will always be defined in my head, by the most common thing you hear her colleges shout at her as she passes; “Slow down, Krista!” If only that were possible?

You can’t make this shit up! Crack me another beer, would ja, there’s got to be somebody playing golf on TV somewhere? **Burp! Ah!** Damn it, what’s the number of Domino’s, again? Ewe, I think I feel myself getting skinny. Is that a rib? No, no, just a new roll of fat! **Burp!**

I think was comedian Lewis Black that said; “Why would you ever think a bunch of goat herders on a mountain side someplace would have all the answers to the Universe, thousands of years ago?” Which is a refreshing perspective, if you agree with it or not- laugh anyway.

The myth of creation is a very likable fantasy, which is why people are so very attached to it. But it’s not one that holds up under scrutiny. Your #1 competitors are BIG cats and bears, but your afraid of snakes, and dragons and giants? I can not answer how big or how small god is, or even if it is, it’s all hearsay. I know within myself, there is a desire for there to be a cosmic friend, and protector, or guide, real or imagined. But the narrow view of the fundamentalist that is Bible is exact, and perfect, is absolutely ridiculous. It is flawed by the whole nature of man, and his insistence to write the doctrine of his politics. If you read the Bible unblinded, you realize that it’s not God that’s the hardass, it’s man flailing around trying to please him. God must have made HIM in his own image, but dare you not make images of yourself, or of bunnies, gnomes, pandas, or dolphins. How does that make sense?

Understand, that it is never my intent to attack anyone else’s faith, or belittle it. I don’t want you to struggle with it as I do. I just hope you can in time reconcile some of these issues in a smarter way, without loosing yours. Evolution is a fact, and should be called a natural law of nature, again facts are not in their favor. Yet, it is the politics of ALL religions, that feel under attack by it, which is just silly paranoia. We don’t want to teach Adam and Eve as a symbolic myth. Even though, how we got here, changes not our stewardship to our environment, and each other.

I’m sharing this, because I found it to be a rather softer and more optimistic Dawkins. I don’t think he’ll persuade you, but little by little truth will win out, to those who seek truth. It’s not the end of the world, just the beginning of enlightenment. I have no idea why we insist on throwing the baby out with the bath water? There is nothing in Natural Selection, which forces you to become an atheist, is my point. You can just as easily believe that unseen forces, tweak and re-engineer, as much as you try. Evil is not Darwin, evil is arrogance, and unjust hatred.

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About 12 years ago, I found myself being embarrassed by the California Girls at the Olympics, particularly those from Orange County. They were so inarticulate, and emotionally dwarfed. At the time, I was being annoyed by the OC’s lack of culture, and refinement. It was like making a visit to the moon, to come from the Inland Empire to Orange County, even though you would think it to be the other way around?

So today, I see that Big Bear is the home of Shaun White (The Flying Tomato) world greatest snow board champion. Big Bear is also the home of another remarkable teenager, Jordan Ramero, who recently was the youngest to climb Mt. Everest. My point is simple enough to make, the population of the IE is not great enough to compete with the OC, and yet…

According to one of my (former) teachers from Rim of the World High School; Dr. Tim White, was of the class 1969 (or maybe 68). Tim is today, the world’s foremost paleontologist, and Prof. @ Cal Berkeley. WOW! There aren’t many things that impress me, but that sure does! Going to Tim’s website, I read this quote: “Told by a high school guidance counselor that his dream of studying dinosaurs was unacceptable, …” Yep, there’s the definitive proof, he went to Rim alright! (I’ll bet that was Mathews!)

Tim was part of the team that found/studied Lucy. And he has found even an older ‘missing link’ between man and apes that’s 4.4 million years old, that walked upright as well (Ardi). Tim is one of the guys rewriting history for all the right reasons. Dr. Tim White’s website

Now, I’m not one who is impressed by Youngest to do… Rich kids, with parents that need to be examined, is my issue. None the less, climbing the world tallest and deadliest mountain is huge. Way to go, Jordan!

As for Shaun White, that guy is just too cool, and impossible not to like.  And unless you’ve been living under a rock, you already know all about him, so I say no more!

Way to go, boys of the local mountains, and men of the IE.