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Harold Stemple was a lonely old man, who took up with talking to his favorite cactus like he was a friend. At first the cactus tried to ignore this bizarre behavior, quite certain that at any moment the aged ape would begin tasting him for one reason or another. But alas head tilts and jesters did not bring about any attacks, though there were some close eye examinations, and some occasional shaking and flicking.

Day after day seem to start with the same routine, and after a while, the cactus actually started learning a word or two from the old man’s vocabulary. This did not add to cactus’s comfort level though, because this was still very bizarre behavior after all. So the cactus tried to turn away, only to discover that it was root bound, and therefore unable to do so. Once cacti can not talk, the favorite cactus tried to think his thoughts to the other cacti of just how lucky they all were not to be the target of this unwanted conversation. And he was absolutely right, the other cacti saw no need for him to try and talk to them, any more than having the water provider, talk to them. So they too, tried to turn their backs to him, only to find that they too were root bound and unable to do so, as well.

It should not be assumed that the unsocial behavior of the cacti made this an unhappy garden. It was a happy garden full of life and blooms. Although, the petunias always liked to be talked at, even by untrustworthy song birds. But Harold had nothing but obvious observation about them, he saved most of his conversation for his favorite antisocial cactus, to the jealously of the petunias which he was totally unaware of.

Pretty soon the cactus started to get smarter and think; “Good Harold morning. Pick me don’t up, and alone me!” He would try to telekinetic put into the human’s brain, to the entertainment and criticism of the other cacti, who as well were unaware of the fact that they were getting smarter too.

There is no point or end to this story. It’s only a ramble inspired by one of my favorite painters Carl Spitzweg, and all of his old men befriending cacti. Strangely if there is loneliness involved there a cactus involved in his paintings? My personal favorite is “Suspicious smoke” (not pictured here, but in the link), because if you’ve ever had a wildfire headed toward you, then you know why- it is a perfect representation of this kind of horrible event. Carl Spitzweg is kind of in the class of Norman Rockwell, in that many of his painting are kind of comical illustrations of people. Even if you don’t find them particularly funny, they are complicated enough to entertain me for hours, unlike Mr. Rockwell who actually bores me. It is a worthwhile waste of an hour or two to look up Carl Spitzweg Paintings on Wikimedia Commons.

You have to be a real Douglas Adams NERD, to get that one! Yes unfortunately, that would describe me. Oolon Colluphid first controversial book listed in his fictitious trilogy was “Where God Went Wrong”- which seemed to be a good starting point in talking about how Disney Screwed the Pooch on the Hitch Hicker’s Guide to the Galaxy Movie.

The first time I watched it, I thought to myself, once I was alone at the time and had no one to listen; A wholly unremarkable and forgettable film. Well that and; What the hell kind of design was that for Marvin? However the second time I watched it, I must have paid it some attention- because it blew great big rabbed chunks, and didn’t make any sense? It pissed me off! Read the books, please, please, please, read the damn books! Even watch the BBC TV series before bothering with this Disney Crap!!!

Oh I’m not done, far from it!

Things Disney can’t comprehend:
Someone really having a BAD Thursday!
He looses a girl.
He looses his home.
He looses his lifestyle.
He looses his planet.
And he looses that simple pleasure of any civilized Englishman, TEA!
Ultimately, he looses his place in time!
The Guide is not a “Hi Ho, hi ho, off to work we go.” yet another happy story, even though it is full of deep belly laughs. It’s about LOSS, even the dignity of being one’s self, but that recovers rather quickly, as improbable as that might be.

Though it is ‘Mostly Harmless’ ( <== WARNING: READ THIS BOOK LAST- the ending really is THE ENDING!)

Sorry but "So long, and Thanks for all the fish!" I think fell out of the list of books above. But it was a rather disappointing book (#4) as well, a filler of questions only the biggest nerds would ever pester him about. Still worth the read, but not the best. As well as being the corrupter of a perfectly fine Trilogy!

So let's put them in order so you can read them the right way, should you decide not to read the Ultimate Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which has them all in one book):

1. Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
2. Restaurant At the End of the Universe
3. Life, the Universe and Everything
4. So long and thanks for all the fish
5. Mostly Harmless

Now I’ll admit, that I’ve not read Salmon Of Doubt, or Starship Titanic. I did read both of the Dirk Gently books, and really like “Long Dark Tea Time of Soul”- I seem to be the only one on that, which I just don’t understand. I’ve read it several times, because I do enjoy it so much. I have no idea why other’s have found it so disappointing?

Today, with 3G and 4G devices, and iPads, the whole concept is not what it was in 1978. The device of the Hitch Hiker’s Guide has been a reality for almost a whole generation, thanks to the Internet. So that part of the book is dated, and has been for a very long time. However, if I had been the producer of the movie, the whole movie would have been framed within the device, and operated by something slimy with tentacles.

Besides, I would have left Trillian as the unrequited love interest. And never gone on the quest for that completely stupid (add on) gun- WTF? REALLY, WTF? What was the point of stealing Zaphod’s other head, I would think he might want that back before dinner!

The only part I did like from the movie was that Deep Thought had become obsessed with watching Television. It does make a little more sense than watching digital watches, but it was 1978 after all. I watched my digital watch quite a bit, back then.

What really pisses me off about this Movie, is that it took every good joke from the book, and totally blew it!
Read the damn book, and find out how an automatic door can become the bane of a depressed robot, yourself!

The greatest loss of all, is the wit of Douglas Noel Adams! I’m not going to accuse the Disney writers of killing him, though I feel I should. But there is a warning in his last days; If you’re feeling under the weather, for no really good reason, and you’re middle aged, please don’t think a work out at the local gym is a good idea- see your doctor instead!

Unfortunately, John Houston, and Robert Altman are both dead. They are the only two, that I can think of, that could have pulled the Guide off on film, because of their understanding and respect for content. Guys forget CGI and making the perfect looking film- rediscover character, and the drama of just being alive!

Hitch Hiker’s is not the perfect story, but it should be fun, and funny! Disney Imagineers blew the jokes, almost every one of them! Why did you kill the mice, and return the Dolphins? Clearly, it was a big mistake to come down from the trees in the first place.

UPDATE: I did think of someone (living) who I would have trusted to direct/complete this film, even after Doug died: Herold Ramis. It would have been funny, cleaver, and on spot, and I’ll bet Marven would have been back in the shop to be retooled too!

If you still want a movie that Dad will like today (father’s day), get Caddy Shack, or the Blues Brothers, Popeye, or the 5th Element. These are true classics, which Hitch Hiker’s should have been, but isn’t.

I’ve got that summer fever for sure!
There is no time of year, including Christmas, that I look more forward to more than the first week of June. And why? Summer fruit suddenly hits the supermarket shelves, at a price I can afford. That’s why!
Mangoes, Peaches, and the OMG BING CHERRY, STRAWBERRY, I can’t sleep, for the taste of all that great nectar in my mouth. As a middle age fat slob, let me warn you now, your CPAP will not be happy with all that drooling going on under your mask all night.

It’s not just the FRUIT. It’s time to live on the patio again! Fire up the smoker and the grill, and plug in the fountain. And dig down to the bottom of the drawers and find my shorts, and pull the blankets from the bed, short sheet the corners, my feet are free-styling in the cool evening air.

Why I love it so; It’s the best temperature, the best food, and the best change of seasons of all year. Here in California Mountains, it’s also a heck of a lot of work doing fire abatement too. But Spring weeds are running out of pollen, so your head starting to clear, just before the Pines really start dumping their yellow powder, to mess your head all up again, as well as your windshield.

The birds start squawking and complaining outside the open windows at 5:30 AM just before first light. Yet, I can find a way to sleep through it all, into the late morning. That’s why I love the first week of June, it’s paradise, in every way it can be.

There are a lot of people who believe that GOD designed fruit look pretty, so you would eat it. In that case did he make poison dart frogs look bright and pretty so you would want to eat them too? You can always find a counter point to these goofy ideas. But flowers attract bees, which cross pollinate plants, which cause fruit to form,… As an omnivore you are lucking enough to join in the cycle of life and proliferation, even in consumption by ironically having a poor designed inefficient digestive system. But, at the same time, keep in mind that you share half your genes with a carrot!

Today, I look around and every single Liberal Blog, that I can think of is offering Alfred Gockel posters from All Posters, featuring the same one I picked out here.  I pride myself on thinking and going my own way.  I am not an echo chamber!  This site is PURE RANDYISM!

Now, I do understand that Gockel is the best selling modern artist in Europe.  And with good reason.  His colors are bold and lively, the themes are fluid and alive with activity.  You can’t view his work without some swing tune getting in your head, it’s just amazing.  But suddenly he’s over covered, everywhere, like an iPad!

Erh!  Besides, there aint no forkin money in selling posters, trust me!

Those of you who already know Mr. Heighton might be a little offended. I meant to introduce him to the Smiley Clan is all.

This guy’s art reminds of the local artists that use to show in the park (in Highland) on Saturday Mornings, when I was a kid. Yes, my mother dragged me to many of these things. Sorry, I didn’t learn culture from them, I only learned boredom! None the less, their talents aways amazed me.

I know nothing about Brent, he hasn’t a Wiki-page(?). I know he authored a book, that sold 3000 copies a decade ago. Even art is hard to sell in book form. Good luck Brent, I understand.