Oolon Colluphid’s trilogy

You have to be a real Douglas Adams NERD, to get that one! Yes unfortunately, that would describe me. Oolon Colluphid first controversial book listed in his fictitious trilogy was “Where God Went Wrong”- which seemed to be a good starting point in talking about how Disney Screwed the Pooch on the Hitch Hicker’s Guide to the Galaxy Movie.

The first time I watched it, I thought to myself, once I was alone at the time and had no one to listen; A wholly unremarkable and forgettable film. Well that and; What the hell kind of design was that for Marvin? However the second time I watched it, I must have paid it some attention- because it blew great big rabbed chunks, and didn’t make any sense? It pissed me off! Read the books, please, please, please, read the damn books! Even watch the BBC TV series before bothering with this Disney Crap!!!

Oh I’m not done, far from it!

Things Disney can’t comprehend:
Someone really having a BAD Thursday!
He looses a girl.
He looses his home.
He looses his lifestyle.
He looses his planet.
And he looses that simple pleasure of any civilized Englishman, TEA!
Ultimately, he looses his place in time!
The Guide is not a “Hi Ho, hi ho, off to work we go.” yet another happy story, even though it is full of deep belly laughs. It’s about LOSS, even the dignity of being one’s self, but that recovers rather quickly, as improbable as that might be.

Though it is ‘Mostly Harmless’ ( <== WARNING: READ THIS BOOK LAST- the ending really is THE ENDING!)

Sorry but "So long, and Thanks for all the fish!" I think fell out of the list of books above. But it was a rather disappointing book (#4) as well, a filler of questions only the biggest nerds would ever pester him about. Still worth the read, but not the best. As well as being the corrupter of a perfectly fine Trilogy!

So let's put them in order so you can read them the right way, should you decide not to read the Ultimate Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which has them all in one book):

1. Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
2. Restaurant At the End of the Universe
3. Life, the Universe and Everything
4. So long and thanks for all the fish
5. Mostly Harmless

Now I’ll admit, that I’ve not read Salmon Of Doubt, or Starship Titanic. I did read both of the Dirk Gently books, and really like “Long Dark Tea Time of Soul”- I seem to be the only one on that, which I just don’t understand. I’ve read it several times, because I do enjoy it so much. I have no idea why other’s have found it so disappointing?

Today, with 3G and 4G devices, and iPads, the whole concept is not what it was in 1978. The device of the Hitch Hiker’s Guide has been a reality for almost a whole generation, thanks to the Internet. So that part of the book is dated, and has been for a very long time. However, if I had been the producer of the movie, the whole movie would have been framed within the device, and operated by something slimy with tentacles.

Besides, I would have left Trillian as the unrequited love interest. And never gone on the quest for that completely stupid (add on) gun- WTF? REALLY, WTF? What was the point of stealing Zaphod’s other head, I would think he might want that back before dinner!

The only part I did like from the movie was that Deep Thought had become obsessed with watching Television. It does make a little more sense than watching digital watches, but it was 1978 after all. I watched my digital watch quite a bit, back then.

What really pisses me off about this Movie, is that it took every good joke from the book, and totally blew it!
Read the damn book, and find out how an automatic door can become the bane of a depressed robot, yourself!

The greatest loss of all, is the wit of Douglas Noel Adams! I’m not going to accuse the Disney writers of killing him, though I feel I should. But there is a warning in his last days; If you’re feeling under the weather, for no really good reason, and you’re middle aged, please don’t think a work out at the local gym is a good idea- see your doctor instead!

Unfortunately, John Houston, and Robert Altman are both dead. They are the only two, that I can think of, that could have pulled the Guide off on film, because of their understanding and respect for content. Guys forget CGI and making the perfect looking film- rediscover character, and the drama of just being alive!

Hitch Hiker’s is not the perfect story, but it should be fun, and funny! Disney Imagineers blew the jokes, almost every one of them! Why did you kill the mice, and return the Dolphins? Clearly, it was a big mistake to come down from the trees in the first place.

UPDATE: I did think of someone (living) who I would have trusted to direct/complete this film, even after Doug died: Herold Ramis. It would have been funny, cleaver, and on spot, and I’ll bet Marven would have been back in the shop to be retooled too!

If you still want a movie that Dad will like today (father’s day), get Caddy Shack, or the Blues Brothers, Popeye, or the 5th Element. These are true classics, which Hitch Hiker’s should have been, but isn’t.